resilience - can we boost our own resilience and learn how to bounce back from life’s inevitable set backs?
What is Resilience and how can we manage our own stresses in life, so that when things go wrong, we know how to reduce the impact?
Let’s first define Resilience. According to the dictionary definition, Resilience is:
The ability to withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events
or the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape after deformation, caused especially by compressive stress
Essentially, we can say it is how we bounce back from challenges!
Some people have the ability to let life’s challenges have little impact on them, like ‘’water off a duck’s back’’, as the saying goes. Others can be crushed by the very same circumstances
Why is there a difference and what can we do to improve our own Resilience?
The difference primarily comes from our genes and our childhood and life experiences.
Nature and Nurture impacts who we are and how we react to life’s events.
However, can we change as an adult and therefore try to improve our own Resilience?
Many psychologists and neuroscientists think we can and there are plenty of human behavioural and scientific studies proving that fact.
To improve our Resilience, think about some of the following suggestions:
Allow ourselves time to heal!
If something serious has impacted our life, we may need time to process that event in our mind and it is important in this situation to give ourselves time to heal
Be kind to ourselves, do not judge ourselves badly if we feel we need time to grieve over something that has significantly impacted our life. We are human and it’s worth noting that everyone is different and some people need more time than others, and that’s ok!
Mindset – The Ability to choose our own thoughts!
Do you believe that we are in control of our thoughts? If we are, why can we not just stop worrying, why can’t we just think happy thoughts all day?
Of course it is not easy, however I believe we can change our perspective on life. Once we accept that and improve our awareness of our own thought process, we can change our mind’s focus and attention!
As the quote goes, ‘‘If you believe you can, then you can and if you believe you can’t, then you can’t’’.
The choice is ours.
How do we become more aware of our thoughts and our ‘‘self-talk’’?
This is why so many people are now exploring mindfulness and meditation. They are just a couple of tools to help us become more mind aware. Some people just choose to walk alone in nature and that works for them. Everyone is different and will choose a different path to question their own mindset.
We can boost our Resilience by becoming more aware of our mindset and work on how to strengthen our mind control.
Self-Talk - What is this, I don’t talk to myself!
We all do! According to research conducted by the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. (Don’t ask me how they discovered that!) Of those thousands of thoughts, 80% were negative and 95% were exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before!
Evidence has also shown that if we think a negative thought, that it will impact our actions and outcome and when we express a negative thought verbally, chances of the negative thought becoming reality significantly increases.
I listened to a podcast recently, in which a footballer, playing in an important game, expressed verbally, in an interview a few days before the game, that his biggest fear would be to score an own goal.
Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened in the match, he scored an own goal!!
We all need to be aware of our own Self-Talk and how it influences our actions and our Resilience.
Resilience improves with awareness and focus on our Self-Talk, sometimes referred to as the “Inner Critic”
Mind Diversion and Focus
When you want to stop a child crying, sometimes all it takes is to give them their favourite cuddly toy or to get them to look at something to divert their attention. Even as adults, the same diversion tactics can be useful
We can decide to change our focus and attention away from what harms us
Listen to a TED talk by Lucy Hone, in which after researching Resilience for years, she had to put her research into practice, when her 12- year-old daughter died in a car crash!
Her strategy for Resilience was:
Acceptance that bad things happen!
Choose our focus!
Question whether what we are doing or thinking is helping or harming us!
Not easy, but nothing worth having comes easily!
If you want to improve your Resilience, learn how to Accept, Choose and Question!
Think of Others!
Whenever I get wrapped up in my own problems and issues, I try to consciously think or call someone else. Not to talk about me, but to ask them how they are. Nothing improves my Resilience more than calling someone, who maybe is going through a rougher time than me or deciding to do something nice for someone.
It stops me obsessing about my own situation and opens my mind to a world outside of my own thoughts!
Let go of what we can’t control!
Thoughts take up our precious time and energy, so let’s choose how we use them.
How much time do we spend worrying about things that are beyond our control? For example, we are not in control of other people’s thoughts and opinions, so maybe just focus on being the best that we can be and let everything else go!
Think about what we are spending our time worrying about and list how many of those things are completely out of our control and therefore worth letting go!
All things Wellbeing
Our Resilience and immune system are majorly influenced by our lifestyle! Our lifestyle is within our control.
According to the World Health Organisation, 60% of illness is due to our own lifestyle choices and this is forecasted to rise to 70% by 2023.
Nutrition, exercise and sleep are very important factors in building our Resilience.
If we have not slept, how can we be strong? If we eat or drink too much late at night, how can we sleep? If we have not exercised in months, how can our body feel healthy?
We can boost our immune system and our Resilience by making the correct lifestyle choices.
Connection and Support
Choose our company wisely!
Question who we spend our time with. Some people support and encourage us and others may bring us down. It may be worth making a list of the friends and family that add value to our life and those that don’t.
Connection is essential to Resilience & Wellbeing, but it needs to be the right connections
In summary, how do we pick ourselves up after life has knocked us down repeatedly?
Allow ourselves time to heal if needed!
Mindset - Be Aware of our thoughts!
Self-Talk - Be kind to ourselves!
Diversion - Choose our focus!
Think of others - We are not the centre of the universe!
Let go of what we can’t control!
Lifestyle and Wellbeing - Make positive lifestyle choices!
Connection - Choose our company wisely!
One thing we can be certain of in life is that it will challenge us and things will go wrong at times. We just need to ensure we are prepared to meet those challenges head on and know how to pick ourselves up when life delivers a blow!
‘‘It is your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop’’
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf