is “self-doubt” blocking your progress in work and in life?
Ten actions and tools you can take to overcome those doubts, move toward self-acceptance and then progression!
You are skilled with a wide experience in your field. You have made some progress over the years, but your self-doubt is stopping you from moving forward.
I’m not as good as xxx, I could not make those decisions, I am not strong enough, intelligent enough, experienced enough, and the list goes on!
You see the jobs you would love to apply for but you question why they would choose you.
Does this sound like you?
Self-doubt can block your progress in work and in life. Afraid to take that move forward due to the doubt in your mind about your capability
Believe me, when I say, this is very common and part of the human psyche. Most of us have doubts that hold us back from making a big decision or applying for a promotion
So, what is this self-doubt and why do some people have it, while others just seem to sail through life full of self-confidence, forging forward easily with seemingly little effort or concern?
Self-doubt is that voice in your head that is constantly criticising what you do, and what you say and can be a blockage to your progress in life. It often leads to “Negative Self-Talk", which is the voice in your head constantly putting yourself down
Self-doubt is human, however extreme and consistent Self-Doubt is damaging and can develop from a number of experiences in life, but often it derives from childhood and being told consistently that you were not good enough.
The seeds of Self-doubt are usually sown early in life, but with self-awareness, commitment to change and hard work, self-doubt can be reduced and ideally replaced by Self-Acceptance!
Self-acceptance refers to the relationship that an individual has with oneself and is conceptualized as the acceptance of self, despite weaknesses or deficiencies.
Some positive psychologists have added the term “unconditional” to the concept of self-acceptance to stress the fact that self-acceptance is not based on self-evaluation against some standard, but a relational stance in which the individual accepts themself at a very fundamental level, regardless of whether certain expectations are met.
Self-acceptance is the hallmark of a healthy relationship with the self
Tools to reduce Self-Doubt
Any “Tool” we use to reduce Self-Doubt and increase Self-Acceptance is one that needs to reach into the subconscious of the mind in order to change habits and years of thought patterns and learned behaviour
It all begins with increasing your Self-Awareness and the willingness to Change:
Nothing can change unless the person is aware of their Self-Doubt and Negative Self-Talk and also that they are choosing and wanting to change.
“Change will only happen when the pain to remain the same is greater than the pain to change!”
There are various tools you can use to increase your self-awareness:
Tool 1 – OBSERVE AND RATE
To Increase Awareness of the Self-Doubt and Negative Self-Talk
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 each day for a week on your negative self-talk (10 being the worse) Work out an average for the week
Observe one thing more than any other which improves your self-belief?
Observe one thing more than anything else, which reduces your self-belief?
How has your self-doubt in the week you are assessing impacted your life?
Write down 2 or 3 things you could do more of to increase your self-belief and reduce your doubts?
Tool 2 – JOURNAL OR RECORD NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
To Increase Awareness of the Self-Doubt and Negative Self-Talk
Try a few days of writing down or recording your negative self-talk.
What/Who triggered it?
What was the narrative?
How does it make you feel?
Does it serve any purpose or is it even true or an exaggeration?
What stops it?
Take a break from it and then repeat intermittently and note any changes
Tool 3 – SUCCESS JOURNALING
To increase your awareness of your successes and reduce your focus on any perceived failings
At the end of each day list your key successes. These can be small positive things like, getting up on time, doing your exercise, starting something new, making someone smile, holding a challenging meeting or a nice comment someone said to you
Try to do this each day as a habit. You can focus the successes on work or on life in general. The work successes can be kept as evidence in any performance review!
If doing it each day is too much, try to allocate the end of the week
It is the habit of this exercise which can potentially move the mind away from self-doubt and towards a recognition of your capabilities
Tool 4 – AFFIRMATIONS
To improve your Self-Belief
Affirmations used to be a bit woo-woo! However, now there is so much scientific evidence that does confirm that affirmations can influence the subconscious. After all who would question that we do actually talk to ourselves all the time? It’s a matter of being more selective with our own conversations with ourselves!
Affirmations are simply repetition of positive sentences or mantras.
They can be used simply, for example when you become aware of your negative self-talk, you can say the following sentence to yourself:
“I acknowledge it, but I do not want to attach any more energy to it. I have the power within my mind to reduce its importance, because it does not benefit me to focus on it, serves no purpose and is not necessarily true”
It simply reminds you that you can replace that negative thought with another better thought and that you are in control of that
Or you can use an affirmation on a recording/audiobook online. This can become similar to hypnosis when hearing the affirmations perhaps just before falling asleep, this can impact your subconscious mind.
Or you can record your own and play back through your headphones before going to sleep!
Tool 5 - MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION
To increase your awareness of your ability to influence your mind and your thoughts
Another previously considered woo-woo tool being used universally now!
Meditation and Mindfulness are simply tools to help calm the mind and allow us to train the mind to focus on thoughts that benefit us rather than harm us.
Mindfulness allows us to be more mind aware and teaches us the observation of the mind.
Meditation allows us to clear the mind and focus on something simple like the breath or a mantra, word, or even the light from a candle to learn how to concentrate the mind and focus it where we want it to go.
It is like going to the gym for the mind! The more we use the tool, the more we build the muscle and take control of our thoughts!
Both these tools are increasingly used to help reduce Self-Doubt and increase Self-Acceptance
Tool 6 – CHOOSE YOUR COMPANY WISELY!
We have a tendency to reflect on ourselves through the company we keep, so choose your company wisely.
If we spend a lot of time with people who constantly complain or see the world in a negative way, we sometimes become like them un-consciously. We may find ourselves saying the same phrases or mirroring their actions without intention
Question if your social group supports you and boosts your self-worth or puts you down?
Sometimes the people around us can either help us on our path in life or hinder us. Consider being more selective if you are spending time with people who simply criticise what you say and do
You deserve better!
Tool 7 – ACTION-THOUGHT-FEELING!
Psychologists are proving more and more that you need to take action for your thoughts and feelings to change.
Taking any action forward towards your desired goal/job will improve your thought process and reduce your negative thought patterns.
For example, taking an online course, attending networking events, deciding to work on your CV or your online profile, collecting references from past colleagues or bosses. Any action which allows you to feel more prepared to move forward
Tool 8 – SELF DEVELOPMENT
Don’t wait for others to put you forward for courses that will develop your knowledge and skills.
Do it yourself!
There are so many free/cheap courses online. Try Udemy or Eventbrite to start to move yourself forward by either developing a skill that will help you at work or will enhance your personal life
Read or listen to audiobooks or podcasts and watch YouTube videos that inspire and motivate you to be better. There is so much out there which can change your mindset towards a more positive self-image
Tool 9 – ASK FOR HELP
If you need help, try asking for it!
At work, try approaching your boss, or HR or ask someone to be your Mentor. Explain what your goal or objective is, maybe promotion, and ask them to help you get there. You may be surprised how many people would be flattered and delighted to be asked and this may help you with overcoming your self-doubt and with your promotional prospects at work
What’s the worst that can happen, they say No, sorry!
There is so much help out there if you just ask. If work is not an option, then you can ask someone you know, maybe a personal friend or try asking through a professional service. If finances are an issue, there are free mentoring, coaching and counselling services you can find online
This could help you work through your self-doubt and allow you to move forward in a positive way
Tool 10 – UNDERSTANDING THE NEUROSCIENCE BEHIND CHANGING HABITS
We all have habits, good and bad! Some we would like to change, like eating too much, drinking too much or constantly putting yourself down.
There is a lot of scientific research about how to be successful when wanting to change deep rooted habits in our life.
Check out the book by PhD BJ Fogg; Tiny Habits or many more online books and articles which explains how best to change our bad habits.
In summary, Change happens when we focus the mind on the outcome we want, take small tiny steps forward each day, track your progress and reward your success!
Try some of these tools or actions and I am hopeful you will start to reduce that negative self-talk and self-doubt and move toward self-acceptance to be the best version of yourselves in work and in life!
And remember!
“The biggest wall you have to climb is the one you built in your own mind”