Fearing the change you know you need
I reflect back and realise that I was afraid of the change I needed to make in my life!
When I reflect on my career, I feel that I have been very lucky overall with how it progressed over the years. If I think about how I started, it all began with following my passion.
I ignored any advice suggesting that I become a teacher, banker, or accountant and decided I wanted a life involving Travel.
I have no idea where this passion came from as we were not a family who could afford to travel with 5 kids in tow. My mother died when I was in my early teens and my father was from a working-class background and he had only ever traveled between Ireland and England during his lifetime. The extent of our very few holidays was a couple of days on the nearest beach in Ireland, usually in the rain!
However, I do recall as a child playing a game with my sister, pretending that we could speak French, basically making up our own language in a French accent. Where did that come from? I think I always had a romantic view of life in faraway places from a young age.
So, my career journey started in the Travel Industry and I was then lucky enough to live and work in over 15 countries worldwide.
The journey started with a casual job in the Swiss Alps and progressed to working with a Travel Company starting with a few years in the Greek Islands, then North Africa, Russia, France, Austria, and Italy. My career progressed and I became Area Manager of the Caribbean, living in Barbados, then the Indian Ocean, based in the Seychelles, and later the Far East, based in Bangkok. It was an exciting life with many benefits, mainly seeing the world and meeting so many different people from various cultures and learning about the big wide world while progressing in my career.
However, there was a point when a level of dissatisfaction was developing in my life and although I did not totally ignore it, I did not confront it and make the change I so obviously needed at the time.
I was reaching an age, when the constant traveling and moving my life from one country to the next, year after year, was really not what I needed. My work was my whole life and although it was a really interesting life, I was not investing in my personal life at all. I needed some roots, deeper relationships, and a stable home!
I needed to change my life!
I reflect back now and realize that I was afraid of the change that I needed.
I was afraid to make such a big change in my life as I knew I was very lucky to be doing what I was doing and fearful of losing that lifestyle, but realistically it did not meet my changing needs in life as I grew older
This led me to ask myself a couple of questions:
When do you know that it is time to make a big change in your life or career?
What should you do when you realise a change is needed?
From my experience, the signs for the need to change were there, I just needed to recognize them and act on them:
Feeling some dissatisfaction that was not there before
Starting to talk negatively or critically about the situation
Not feeling the joy that was once there
Experiencing stress and low mood and maybe confusion about the future
These are signs which should not be ignored. Change is not easy, but if you don’t change when the signs are there, then the bad feelings usually fester and become worse. As an example, how many of us have stayed in an unhealthy relationship for longer than we should have? If we look back now, did we see the signs?
Should we have ended that relationship sooner?
How long did we stay in that relationship more than we should have?
What would we advise our younger selves now?
“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong’’
Next question! What should you do when you know it is time to change?
Allow me to make some suggestions:
Identify your Top 5 Values in Life
If you need change, then maybe it is time to reassess why you need the change. It could be that your core values have altered as they can do with time! So be sure you re-evaluate what is important to you in life now, rather than what used to be important to you in the past. In my example, my previous value of needing excitement and travel in my life was slowly changing to a need for more stability.
Circle of Perspective Tool.
Review your Circle of Perspective/Life before making the change. This is a Positive Psychology Tool that allows you to assess the balance in your life in order to know what steps you should take. Through the Tool you review the full circle of your life, that is Professional, Financial, Wellbeing, Spiritual, Relationships, and Emotional. This allows you to identify what areas in your life need some attention
Set your new Goal.
In order to get somewhere, you need to know where you want to go. Sounds simple, however, it rarely is!
Once you have reassessed your values and carried out some self-reflection work through the Circle of Perspective Tool, it should be easier for you to define what your next goal should be. My Goal was to improve the balance of my personal life in comparison to my work life.
Make a Plan - One of the best ways to overcome the Fear of Change is to make a plan!
Once you have established your values, established your Goal, then you need to make a Plan. The plan could be making baby steps to get to your new Goal or it could be bigger steps, that depend on what you feel comfortable with
Be kind to yourself.
Change can be daunting, so it may take time to make the change that you need. Give yourself time and space to get where you need to be
Take yourself to a place where you can think creatively.
Open your mind to new challenges by taking yourself away from your normal routine to a place that inspires you. Nature does it for me, a day by the sea or in the mountains. Consider a solo holiday, like yoga, writing or walking, this usually widens your perspective on any issue
Have faith in yourself and your ability.
Self-belief is important when going through change. Believe in your ability to grow and evolve. Our main limitation is our own mind!
Get Support.
You don’t have to go it alone! There is so much support out there if you want to ask for it. Maybe you have a close friend, colleague or support group who can help you? If not, consider hiring a Coach. Having a neutral, professional person to help you realise your goals and move to the change you need is really beneficial and a worthy investment in your future
“Change only comes when the desire to change is greater than the desire to stay the same’’
Change from within
There are some circumstances whereby, the change that is needed is not possible at that moment, for whatever reason. It could be that you need to look deeper into yourself to increase your self-awareness and understand if the change you need is actually internal or external.
Maybe it is you who needs to change from within!
Perhaps, you need to change your mindset, attitude, or perspective in order to improve your life! In such a situation, the following quote always comes to my mind. Try giving it some thought!
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change their future, by merely changing their attitude’’
Do you need to change something in your life?